


Losing My Religion

by did_someone_say_plums



Series: Tumblr Requests [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 01:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14843205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/did_someone_say_plums/pseuds/did_someone_say_plums
Summary: No matter how much you hate to admit it, you're in love with Bucky Barnes. The only problem? You're convinced he has eyes for someone else.Warnings: Angst. Language. Lot’s of self doubt/self consciousness.





	Losing My Religion

**Author's Note:**

> **Request:** hiiiiiiii, i was wondering since I was you are taking requests about perhaps writing something about Bucky x reader where they both like each other but Bucky spends too much time with Nat and somehow based on the song back you you by Selena ? if you don’t want to do it it’s totally okay. thankyouuuuu
> 
> So I'm total garbage and forgot about the song, I'm so so sorry! Hope this is still okay! Let me know what you guys think!

You slammed your fists into the punching bag again and again, occasionally glancing at Bucky and Natasha in the corner of the training room. He was sitting on a bench and she was leaning against the wall facing him, looking fully invested in their conversation. You didn’t know what they were talking about and to be quite frank, you didn’t give a single, solitary shit. You refocused on the punching bag in front of you when she laughed at something he said, putting her hand on his shoulder in the process. 

If anyone were to ask you if you harbored feelings for a certain Bucky Barnes you would deny it to the bitter end. You didn’t have feelings for anyone thank you very much. You didn’t like admitting it to yourself and you weren’t about to admit to anyone else just how bad you had it for him. You were in _love_ with him and you hated it. You were jealous, you would never admit it to anyone but you were jealous. You were jealous that Bucky gave all of his attention to Natasha. Sure she was insanely gorgeous, had perfect hair, could kick anyone's ass without breaking a sweat, and had literally no discernible flaws. What was even worse was that you _liked_ Natasha. She was impossible to hate especially when she had been nothing but sweet to you. She was one of the first people you really connected with on the team and she went out of her way to make you felt like you actually belonged. 

“Woah (Y/N), what’d the punching bag ever do to you?” Steve said as he approached from behind, chuckling to himself at his joke. You hadn’t realized just how rough you had been on the poor bag. 

You paused and took a deep breath, closing your eyes before continuing your assault on the bag. “Go away Steve, I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh come on,” He paused, his eyes focusing on your hands which were already beginning to bruise “Hey, stop, let me see your hands”

He put a hand on your shoulder when you didn’t comply. “You didn’t wrap your hands? Come on, you know better. You’ll hurt yourself.”

You had been using the weights when Nat and Bucky stopped their training and instead began using their time to flirt with each other. Deciding that the bench press was no longer enough to take your anger out on you had made a beeline to the punching bags. Sure you knew better, but you reasoned that you had sustained worse injuries on missions and to be honest you really couldn’t be fucked to take the time to wrap them. 

“Steve I really want to be left alone right now.” He gave you a concerned look before noticing Nat and Bucky in the corner, still oblivious to anything but each other.

His concerned look shifted to a knowing look before morphing again into pity. Steve, no matter how much you denied it, knew your feelings for Bucky and was wholly convinced that Bucky returned the feelings. You didn’t believe him, probably due to the way Bucky currently had his head up Natasha’s ass. 

“He doesn’t have feelings for her.”

“Oh come on Steve, you’re his best friend. Are you really _that_ blind?”

“Are _you_? They’ve been close forever and the guy practically _follows_ you around. Besides, aren’t you guys going to see that movie tonight?” You scoffed. 

“He does _not_ follow me around. He hardly acknowledges me if she’s around, which is always. And I wouldn’t know, he hasn’t mentioned anything about it since I asked him a week ago.” You pushed past him towards the exit, hoping that he would get the hint that you wanted to be left alone. You rolled your eyes when you heard him still trailing behind you. 

“He talks about you all the time! Have you really not noticed how he’s always paired with you on missions? Have you really not noticed the way Buck looks at you? For Christs sake, he practically goes into a tailspin whenever you so much as glance at him. Him and Nat are just really close. Would I ever lie to you?”

You stop in your tracks and spin on your heels, almost sending poor Steve tumbling into you. You jam a finger into his chest.

“ _Would you ever lie to me?!_ I have one word for you Rogers. Istanbul.” Steve made a noise of protest that made it hard for you to keep a straight face and instead had you cracking a small smile.

“THAT WAS ONE TIME! Besides, I thought we had put that behind us!” 

You hummed and turned back around continuing towards the elevator “Whatever Rogers, you’re only proving my point.”

He called after you “You know that you’re the only person I know who can hold a grudge this long!” You keep walking, throwing a hand up. 

You had just finished in the shower and put on an outfit that you had carefully picked. Just because you thought Bucky had feelings for Natasha didn’t mean you weren’t going to try your damnedest. You were running a brush through your still damp hair when you heard a knock at your door. You opened it to find Bucky, rocking back and forth on his heels with his hands in his pocket.

“Barnes! The movie isn’t for another 2 hours, you’re a little early!” You smile and lean against the door frame. 

He stops rocking back and forth on his heels but leaves his hands in his pocket. “Yeah about that. I might need to take a rain check. It’s just that Nat’s going on this long mission and-” Your face fell and you interrupted him.

“That’s fine, don’t worry about it.” 

“(Y/N),”

“No really Barnes I get it. I wouldn’t want to get between you and Nat. It’s fine, really. Have fun on your date.” You force a smile and close the door before he could have a chance to respond. You wait until you hear his footsteps retreat down the hall before you move away from the door. 

You understood that they were close. You understood that they both had Hydra in common and that it was probably nice to have someone who understood to confide in. You just wished it could be _you_ that he confided in. You just wished that he looked at you the same way he looked at her. He looks at her like she puts the damn stars in the sky just for him for fucks sake. You throw yourself on your bed and pull a pillow over your head. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to her. She was tall and modelesque, something that you couldn't help but think you would _never_ be. She was kind and welcoming while you thought you were cold and awkward, finding it hard to strike up conversations with new people. She seemed to be good at everything, taking to new skills naturally while it took you _ages_ to pick up anything. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by your own stomach, not so gently reminding you that you hadn’t eaten since the morning. You looked at the clock and time must have slipped away from you because the clock read 7:00. You groaned and dragged yourself out of bed, hoping that Bucky and Natasha had chosen to eat out.

As luck would fuck you, there they were sitting in the dining room. You paused and made eye contact with Bucky before turning around and heading towards the elevator, deciding that the effort it would take to go get take out was easier than having to be in the same vicinity as _them_. 

Natasha nudged Bucky “Come on, go after her. She’s obviously upset”

“She doesn’t feel that way about me Nat, you’re wrong.”

“Oh you both are such idiots. You’ll never forgive yourself if I die on this next mission and you didn’t give me the chance to see you guys _finally_ get together. Go!” She shoved him out of his seat.

Bucky shot her an angry glare and she just smirked. He started chasing after you and he couldn’t believe he was about to make a fool of himself in front of you all because Nat didn’t know how to mind her own business. He would get back at her later for guilt tripping him like that. 

“(Y/N)!” You ignored him calling your name and kept walking, almost at the elevator. 

You made it to the elevator and got in, turning around in time to see his metal arm jam between the doors, effectively stopping the doors from closing and preventing you from escaping. You sighed in defeat and silently cursed the fact that you would never be able to outrun him. You stepped off the elevator and stood in front of him. 

“(Y/N), listen,” You held up a hand and stopped him.

“Listen Barnes you don’t have to explain anything to me. Nat is great, I would cancel on me to hang out with her to. Don’t worry, I get it. She’s gorgeous and smart and warm and I’m, well, me. I’m cold and awkward. You guys have a history, you go way back. She’s gorgeous and I hope that she makes you happy.”

“(Y/N),” He tried again to speak but you kept going.

“I always figured you had feelings for her I guess I was just holding on to hope. Don’t worry about rescheduling the movie and if it’s too awkward to work with me I’ll just tell Steve not to pair us up in missions and in training anymore,” You went to continue but Bucky interrupted.

“(Y/N)! Shut up for a second would you! Jeez, you really like interrupting me don’t you?” You paused and blinked a few times and he sighed and smiled before he continued. “I didn’t know you felt that way about me.”

“Listen if you don’t feel the same I understand, I’m really nothing special,” You were interrupted by Bucky pressing his lips against yours. Your eyes widened in surprise before your mind caught up to what was happening. You relaxed into him, wrapping your arms around his neck. He pulled back and smiled before frowning slightly. 

“Nothing special? I haven’t been able to keep you off my mind since I met you. I care about you, so much. You’re gorgeous, I can’t even begin to put into words just how _beautiful_ you are. Cold and awkward? Doll, you’re one of the few people to make me feel _safe_ and _warm_ and I can’t say that about many people.” You look up at him, blushing slightly.

“I guess I just never realized, I didn’t know you felt that way about me. I thought you were in love with Nat.” He frowned and looked down.

“I thought I was being obvious.”

“I’m sorry, I’m oblivious. Steve has been trying to tell me, shit he’s never going to let me forget this,” Bucky cuts you off by taking your hands in his, evaluating the bruises on your knuckles that you had all but forgotten about. 

“Is this from the gym earlier?” He runs his thumbs over your knuckles, staring at you in concern. You winced before telling him the truth.

“You saw that?” You cringe and he smiles slightly, meeting your eyes.

“Of course I noticed. I always keep an eye on you. Why do you think I always ask Steve to pair us together on missions? I love you, I don’t trust anyone else to keep you safe.” Your head snaps up and you meet his eyes.

“You love me?”

“ I have since the start” You smile shyly, at a loss for words. 

“I have too.”

Bucky pulls you into another kiss that is interrupted by the elevator opening in front of you, revealing Steve. He smiles, realizing what he interrupted.

“See? Not lying.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm taking requests on my tumblr! My url is did-someone-say-plums!!!


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